When facing the tough decision of picking which Disney Princess I would be if I could only pick one, I chose Ariel. I hate when life throws you these tough decisions. It’s not fair. But, as I lay in my bed, I forced myself to choose. Believe me it wasn’t easy. But, as a teenage 32-year-old gay man some times you just have to grow up.
So, I pick Ariel as my Princess identity, There were a lot of factors that went into this. First off was her friends. Now I’m not much for seafood, so right there is a good start. Plus my fear of dwarfs, mice, and talking household items kind of ruled a lot of the other princesses out. You have to admit have Scuttles around, would be a good time. You never know the crazy shit that’s going to come out of his mouth. Also the under the sea friends aren’t too bad either. Although I can see myself getting a little annoyed with Flounder. He’s a little needy and sometimes you just want to tell him to get his own life. But, every Paris Hilton needs someone to kiss their ass.
That brings me to my next point. Ariel had it made. All she had to do was sing at a concert or two and the rest of her time was hers. She was like Adele, always missing dates, claiming she was having vocal problems, but then a week later you appear on an awards show singing just fine. Face it, she was just lazy, and people accept it because of her talent. I am talking about Ariel by the way. But, over all Ariel could do what she wanted whenever she wanted. Her only mistake is she got caught.
And thank God she did. If not she never would have been able to meet Ursula the Sea Witch. She met perhaps one of the greatest drag queens in history. Yeah, she may have been kind of a bitch, but you would be too if you were forced to hide your talent in a cave with two twink eels. It’s not her fault that the people she bargained with weren’t able to out master a queen. And, the Atlantic isn’t that big, everyone knows everyone elses business, so they should have known to keep away from her. Ariel knew what she was in for. She’s like Kim Kardashian, rich, stupid, and willing to do anything to get what she wants. But, unlike Kim Kardashian the guys she was after was white.
Finally, that was the final factor. Prince wise, Eric is by far the sexiest Prince out there. Okay, you’re probably thinking I’m a freak because I have a strange attraction to a cartoon, but I know you all do too. You have to admit Aladdin is pretty hot, the only reason I didn’t pick him was because he was poor, and I’m not having my man mooch of my undeserved money…
Know what? Thinking about it, I just want to be hot Ursula, I’ve never been a huge fan of red hair anyway. Only thing is, the ending is going to be a lot different. Watch out Ariel, Eric wants sushi for dinner.
30 going on 13. 